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Underwear for Christmas

by Eugene Ruff-Wagner

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about

A Christmas song that's not exactly about Christmas?

lyrics

Lyin’ on my back in a hospital bed
Waitin’ for the end of the line to come
I ain’t a rich man but I’ll tell you what I got
I got a four-leaf clover and a guitar to strum

My family up and moved to California
They all came back to say goodbye
My grandson cried what’s so great about Heav’n
So I sang him a song to dry the tears from his eyes

In Heaven you don’t get underwear for Christmas
In Heaven you don’t have to eat your lima beans
They’ve got pizza and ice-cold Coca-Cola
Angel food and chocolate ice cream
In Heaven you don’t get underwear for Christmas

The young lad said Oh Grampa are you sure?
That doesn’t sound quite right to me
‘Cuz when you die you get a halo and wings
Play a harp on a cloud for eternity

I said sure that’s what they tell you on the TV
Sure that’s what they want you to think
Heaven is more than you can imagine
A party on the patio with bottomless drinks

In Heaven you don’t get underwear for Christmas
In Heaven you don’t have to be in bed by 9
They’ve got all-night movie marathons
Free popcorn and chocolate ice cream
Best of all you don’t get underwear for Christmas

Soon it was my time to go
An angel walked me to the pearly gates
St. Peter said oh no no no no
I think I’ll have to set you straight

In Heaven we all get underwear for Christmas
In Heaven we all have to keep our skivvies clean
We take turns at the all night laundromat
Endless quarters for all the machines
Just kidding – we don’t get - underwear for Christmas

In Heaven we don’t get underwear for Christmas
In Heaven we don’t have to work out at the gym
We’ve got Taco Tuesdays, Fish on Fridays
Donuts and chocolate ice cream
In heaven we don’t get underwear
In heaven we don’t get underwear
In heaven we don’t get underwear for Christmas

© 2023 Eugene Ruff-Wagner

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released December 8, 2023

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about

Eugene Ruff-Wagner Edgewood, New Mexico

Knowing that songwriting was “the ticket” to girls, fame, and fortune, with his songs Eugene found his dream girl and became a hundred- aire! Whether writing alone or with others, and with influences ranging from Tom Lehrer to Tom Petty, Hayseed Dixie to AC/DC, and Ray Stevens to Stevie Ray, his music pays tribute everywhere and includes splashes of humor whenever possible. Happy listening! ... more

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